If you're not the one
by canihavea-soda
Summary: SSSB, from Sirius' POV, in which he angsts...for Severus will not reciprocate his feelings in the way he wishes he would. Severus will admit to nothing, especially not to the folly of love.


If you're not the one  
  
**OOC-ness ahead**  
  
Disclaimer: [Throws a trolley of Harry Potter merchandise at the readers] What do you think smart-ass? And the song used is from Daniel Bedingfield (well, the radio, since I'm too cheap to buy CDs).  
  
Rating: PG - 13  
  
Pairing: SS/SB - well, sorta. One shot - please don't ask me to write more! I don't have the time, and this is going to be left just as I post it. So don't ask for anymore. There *will* be other SS/SB fics from me; it may take a while, but there will be.  
  
The inspiration for this came from a song by Daniel Bedingfield, which coincidentally has the same title. It just came onto the radio, and I thought it would be interesting to incorporate into a fic. (Changing a few words, naturally). I seem to have a penchant for angst and darkness recently, so you have been warned.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?  
  
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?  
  
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call  
  
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all."  
  
The wireless always seems to manage to play a song apt to the times when I'm with you. Damn you Severus, why are you doing this? Every time I see you - I'm with you...you know how I feel about you, but you're still turning away from me. Why is it so meaningless to you, when it's practically all that keeps me alive? That keeps me sane.  
  
I know this hasn't been a monogamous relationship - hell, it hasn't even been that close. Not that it's been my fault. How can I help that I've been locked in Azkaban for thirteen years for a crime I didn't commit? And how can I help it that you've become so cold. You can't love anymore; not ever. Not even me Severus? Not even me?  
  
You say you don't want me to get hurt. What do you think you're doing by brushing me off man? Casting me aside like I meant nothing to you!  
  
"I never know what the future brings  
  
But I know you are here with me now  
  
We'll make it through  
  
And I hope you are the one I share my life with"  
  
I love it when we're together Sev. Don't deny it - you love it too. You, the cold potions master, the little Slytherin who isolated himself even at school. You need this attention, to stop you getting any colder. I want to save you from that. I need you Severus. I can't survive without you, however hard it may be for you to believe. I'm not half as strong as I'd have you believe.  
  
Don't drive me away - because I won't let myself be cast away from your side. Even if I have to don an invisibility cloak for the rest of my life to be near you, I will. Even if you try to hex me into oblivion, I'll still follow, faithful as the dog of my animagus form. I'll never leave your side, Severus Snape, whether you'd have me with you or not, I'll not leave. However much you threaten me, I shall not go!  
  
"I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand  
  
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?  
  
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?"  
  
Those few times when you let me get close to you. It's heaven. I always want to stay, to relish the feel of your skin against my skin, of sharing the very air with you. But I have to leave before I get the chance to greet you in the light of morn. The authorities can't find me, for then they would most likely punish you for harbouring a criminal. I could not have that weight upon my shoulders. You deserve no more pain than the years have already given you.  
  
You're warm sometimes Severus. Maybe it takes a while, but sometimes you will even smile at me. Not often, but sometimes. Those nights when you're wild with exhaustion, and nervous for fear of attack from the dark side that you so bravely spy upon. Those nights when you let me hold you. How I cherish them.  
  
How I cherish you.  
  
"If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?  
  
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?  
  
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?  
  
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as mine?"  
  
The tears I've shed for you are uncountable. They're probably enough to water the crops of a dozen third world countries and some. More than the water of a thousand great lakes, and all shed over you. I suppose you could never believe me if I told you. You don't realise your worth, beautiful serpent.  
  
For, you're worth more than all the galleons in the world. One could own the sun and the moon and the stars themselves, and still not be able to pay for you. Severus Snape is priceless. If you were ever to be lost, the world would be loosing the bravest man it has seen. I would go with you; life is not worth living if you are not there to live it with me.  
  
"I don't know why you're so far away  
  
But I know that this much is true  
  
We'll make it through  
  
And I hope you are the one I share my life with  
  
And I wish that you could be the one I die with  
  
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with  
  
I hope I love you all my life"  
  
I don't need to hope to love you. I always have, I always will. I have to tell you, but I've never been brave enough to bring it up. If you brushed me off again, I might not be able to pick myself up again. Severus, why is it you can always spot a student about to pull a prank, but you can't see what stares you blatantly in the face every time I see you? I don't want to admit it, but even I know how obvious I am about how I feel about you. If even Remus has noticed something, it must be obvious!  
  
You're not oblivious, are you? Surely not. You're far too clever not to recognise what's happening. Which means either you don't care, or you're afraid.  
  
"I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand  
  
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am  
  
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?"  
  
I'm pleading with you, dark and mysterious potions master; tell me what you feel. Is there anything there at all? Or am I just your toy. Something to be strung along until you get bored with me?  
  
I'll never get bored with you. Never, never. I'll love you until my dying day - and if Sybil is to be ignored completely, that day may be decades away yet.  
  
"'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away  
  
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today  
  
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right  
  
And though I can't be with you tonight  
  
And know my heart is by your side"  
  
Maybe I should just send this song to you as a howler. Perhaps it would give you a clue. Or it would scare you away completely. Oh God, why can't I think of anything? I have to tell you - have to, have to! But how God dammit?  
  
What am I on about? You know, of course you do. You're just pretending to be oblivious, because you don't want me hurt. That's what you said, wasn't it? Then why are you pushing me away? I would die for you. Willingly, I would lay down my life, just so that I knew you could live on. The world cannot lose you. I am but nothing in your shadow - a convict on the run.  
  
"I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand  
  
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am  
  
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?"  
  
You're hurting me Severus. I love you with all my body, heart and soul. And all you can do is mutter a curt reply every time I try to tell you so.  
  
You'll never listen to me. All I can do is trail after you like the lovesick puppy I am. And hope eventually you'll tell me what I want to hear.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
I know, I know, I did a lot of rambling there. I just always see Sirius as being a little bit confused as to how he feels towards love, so I tried to make him sound a bit muddled. (Also, I always manage to make first person things sound confused anyway!)  
  
Thanks for reading it, even if it was a bit rambling and didn't really resolve anything. It was just a little bit of Sirius musing. Which I find fun to write, as it's so nice and OOC.  
  
R+R  
  
Luv Soda (who is getting more angsty by the story!) 


End file.
